Cunk on Everything: The Encyclopedia Philomena by Philomena Cunk

Author:Philomena Cunk [Cunk, Philomena]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub, mobi
Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton
Published: 2018-10-31T16:00:00+00:00

Heat Death of the Universe, The

One day, experts reckon, the universe is going to just stop. The last drop of energy will run out, every single point in the whole of space will be still and lifeless and time itself will grind to a horrible halt. It’ll be like working in JJB Sports in Basildon, but worse.

Apparently there’s only so much energy in the universe and we’re using it up every time we boil a kettle or run for a bus or burp or use a fidget spinner. There’s no way of avoiding it. Even if you lagged the universe, like you do your loft, energy would leak out. It’s not clear where it’s leaking to, because it’s the universe. Probably into a different universe, where they’re absolutely cock-a-hoop, like when you can get your neighbour’s wi-fi.

But everything is sort of slowing down.

Imagine the start of the universe was a big Monday with loads to do, and we’re heading towards an inevitable Sunday afternoon where everyone’s full of roast and crumble and the Antiques Roadshow is on and you can’t really be arsed to do a thing. That’s how it all ends. With every single atom in the universe slumped half-watching pensioners in car coats queuing outside Beaulieu Motor Museum to meet a man in a waistcoat who knows everything in the world about Toby jugs. That’s what we’ve got to look forward to. It’s enough to make you chuck it in.

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